An Imperial Affliction

I met a few new friends at the beginning of my senior year. And of course, people are always...

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:07:20 -0400

I met a few new friends at the beginning of my senior year. And of course, people are always introduced to you, but this time different.

I met a HORRIFIC human being. I met someone who I let tear me to pieces in less than 10 minutes. To where I suffered multiple accountants with, just to TRY to be friends with someone who would just tear me apart because they new they could.

Being told you are too sensitive is probably so emotionally and mentally damaging because you begin to over think “should i tell someone how i feel about this? or should i just keep to myself?” but it’s so conflicted because you are so distraught and hurt but you just feel miserable, so you know what i resorted to? CUTTING. I resorted to self harm. Repetively. Over and over. Because I let a girl’s thoughts about me dig into my skin along with a blade because I TURLY believed that was the only way of coping.

I was told NO ONE cares about my eating disorder. I was told MULTIPLE people were annoyed and are annoyed of my eating disorder. I was told people hated me because of it. Something I am unable to control entirely, and I was being persecuted for it by my so called “friends” and people who did not or do not matter.

I stayed “FRIENDS” with these vicious, life-ruining people who to this day sit in my thoughts over and over because at one point they convinced me they are all I have.

I have never truly hated anyone. Never. Until these people came along, these people who to this day still talk about me, they say negative things that I try so hard to not let affect me, but they are people, and they do.

I do not believe these people were one of the worst decisions of my life, but I believe letting them affect me in ways that have changed the way I felt about myself is.

And you know, the difference between them and I, is that at the end of the day, I STILL wish her a good life.

fromwhichyouraccentcomes: If the sun were to explode, you wouldn’t even know about it for eight...

Tue, 21 May 2013 12:55:19 -0400

fromwhichyouraccentcomes:

If the sun were to explode,
you wouldn’t even know about it
for eight minutes

And nothing in the world
gives me a heavier heart
than knowing I wouldn’t be able to reach you
before the world went dark.

Very little of my time I sit and think and think and think…. where things went wrong, where...

Mon, 20 May 2013 12:40:06 -0400

Very little of my time I sit and think and think and think…. where things went wrong, where sentiments weren’t as sentimental and why they weren’t anymore. And where the difference of thirty minutes with you was better than anything. Now I leave thirty minutes before I even have to, and to do absolutely nothing after at that.

Sometimes I don’t understand why we are wrong, but the majority of the time I don’t care.

Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front...

Mon, 20 May 2013 11:03:18 -0400

Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile

John Green

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 00:16:55 -0400

Audio

Sun, 19 May 2013 02:10:36 -0400

"You’re a waste. You hide behind your hair and you never go to parties. You have no friends and you..."

Thu, 16 May 2013 21:00:03 -0400

“You’re a waste. You hide behind your hair and you never go to parties. You have no friends and you have managed to fuck up just about everything, you can’t really cry because you know it is your fault but you have to for some reason, it’s an addiction to become this self-induced mess with bruises and cuts. You bite your nails and your lip and listen to sad music while watching every other human being living their life, fulfilling every part of it and you wonder why you are so depressed and miserable, it is because it is your fault. Stop trying to feel misunderstood and just realize no one cares, you shouldn’t either.”

- Unknown (via perfect)

you get more adorable each day

Mon, 13 May 2013 00:52:34 -0400

you don’t laugh at the videos i send you

Photo

Sun, 12 May 2013 17:47:00 -0400

tweezing: the worst part about mental illness is that everyone eventually gets sick of your problem...

Sun, 12 May 2013 17:45:56 -0400

tweezing:

the worst part about mental illness is that everyone eventually gets sick of your problem and stops caring about it completely

Photo

Thu, 09 May 2013 23:36:42 -0400

"You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter..."

Thu, 09 May 2013 23:33:57 -0400

“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance — you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.”

- Daniell Koepke
(via larmoyante)

hibaboochka: I remember a far away laugh a sweet caress you’d...

Thu, 09 May 2013 23:26:22 -0400

hibaboochka:

I remember a far away laugh a sweet caress you’d help me zip up my dress.
And I remember your arms wrapped around my neck twenty one shells wrapped in a nest.
Endlessness. Didn’t last.
I won’t change given the chance.

I remember no place for me to hide. Before you came home at night.
And I remember you turnin’ out the lights all i ever saw was the red in your eyes.
No big surprise. Happened nearly every night your own flesh & blood.
I did wonder why.

I remember not knowing what to say & how calm you had remained your child still born with no name.
I remember the never ending summer rain.

Please don’t let what was get in the way of whats next.
Don’t forget that whats to come hasn’t come yet.

Studies suggest I'm in love with you.

Thu, 09 May 2013 02:03:36 -0400

Video

Wed, 08 May 2013 18:59:09 -0400

realhumanbaby: Someone’s probably in love with you right now, even though you think you’re boring...

Wed, 08 May 2013 08:44:36 -0400

realhumanbaby:

Someone’s probably in love with you right now, even though you think you’re boring and stupid and smell bad most of the time, someone probably saw you last week and wiped their sweaty hands on the insides of their pockets and thought about your body under your clothing and about how you would look asleep in their bed

do you use any special editing apps for your instagram photos? they're always so nice!

Tue, 07 May 2013 23:38:47 -0400

yeah i use vsco cam :~)

you're so pretty and perfect! I'm so jealous ):

Tue, 07 May 2013 23:32:45 -0400

aw thank you ilysm

i swear, you can do a marathon with all the running you do in my mind.

Tue, 07 May 2013 23:32:37 -0400

aw:)

~should be excused from all homework due to fabulous over...

Tue, 07 May 2013 22:05:31 -0400

~should be excused from all homework due to fabulous over dose~

but in all seriousness i have 5 math homework assignments i should do by tonight and i also would like to show my bittersweet appreciation for these jeans because they are faded and they made my legs look fat. But a black guy said i looked fierce today so i can’t even complain, and i couldn’t argue.